Not What You Think

Over the years, I have learned a valuable lesson: first impressions do NOT tell the entire story. When I was in my first church as a youth pastor, my wife and I experienced some trauma. The pastor, while he loved Jesus, was very legalistic and close-minded. His wife was even worse. Keep in mind that Tami and I were new to the ministry. We were in our early-20s, and we had literally no experience outside of growing up in active youth ministries. The pastor and his wife should have shown a lot of grace toward us, but it was the opposite. Combine this with the fact that I was a workaholic, and matters were often very tense. What I mean is that the pastor’s wife expected my wife to be at every single activity, event, program, etc. that I had, and considering I had too many to count, it was overwhelming for Tami. To make a long story short, she didn’t go to everything, and the pastor’s wife either ridiculed her in front of people or gossiped behind her back. It was a toxic environment, and we would eventually leave that church...for the better.

The next ministry we would come to, we came with scars. We were sensitive to criticism...especially the kind that was disrespectful and discouraging. I remember the night that we were in the middle of a Q&A session in front of the whole church, there was a guy who stood up and asked an infuriating question. The question was: “what will be your wife’s role in your ministry?” That question triggered a lot of bad memories. The crazy thing is that he meant well, and I would find that out later. He would become one of my best friends. His name is Dave Oliver. You may know the guy 5020202020allRecent