Matthew 18:15-17
Confrontation is something that most of us don’t look forward to doing. The idea of addressing the wrongdoing may feel judgmental. Often believers avoid confrontation, just letting it go, or have a confrontation that is done in a public way that causes more harm than good. Neither of these solutions address the real problem. Neither of these situations are what Jesus expects out of us. We are a family and wrongdoing must be addressed in the proper way. What is the proper process for confronting a brother or sister in Christ that has hurt or offended us? In our passage Jesus lays out a process that both addresses the wrong and sets the stage for healing.
1. Keep the situation private: Presently, it seems that many of us deal with grievances through social media. If I have a grievance, I grab my phone and drive around while filming, articulating my latest gripe. It’s easier to address the problem remotely and avoids the ugly process of meeting face to face. The problem with this approach is the wrong is never dealt with properly and will set the stage for bitterness to creep in. Notice Jesus tells me to GO to my brother and tell him how he has hurt me. This requires humility and addressing the situation in a loving non-judgmental way. Often, this will resolve the misunderstanding and hurt. The reward for this is often the two parties become closer, with a deeper sense of trust. If this doesn’t resolve the issue, then the next step is required.
2. Gather one or two mature believers and address the situation again: If the first session didn’t go well, ask for help. Find a couple of mature believers that know both of you. Approach with humility and grace, giving the opportunity for reconciliation. Remember the goal is not to win the confrontation but to build unity and understanding between the two.
3. Ask the church to get involved: If the grievance is still not resolved between them, bring it to the church leaders. This is not a one and done step. First, church leadership would be involved in one or several meetings to resolve the issue. If resolution cannot be reached, then the offender must be brought before the church for discipline by removing him from the church body. This last step would be done after much deliberation and prayer.
This process Jesus has laid out is loving and is an important tool for you. Learning how to address wrongs in a godly way brings unity, closeness and deeper relationships. This brings us to the hard question: Do I have a grievance that I am avoiding? Be bold and address the situation following these steps. Jesus wants us to have deep close relationships that are built on trust and love. Pursue restitution today.
1. Keep the situation private: Presently, it seems that many of us deal with grievances through social media. If I have a grievance, I grab my phone and drive around while filming, articulating my latest gripe. It’s easier to address the problem remotely and avoids the ugly process of meeting face to face. The problem with this approach is the wrong is never dealt with properly and will set the stage for bitterness to creep in. Notice Jesus tells me to GO to my brother and tell him how he has hurt me. This requires humility and addressing the situation in a loving non-judgmental way. Often, this will resolve the misunderstanding and hurt. The reward for this is often the two parties become closer, with a deeper sense of trust. If this doesn’t resolve the issue, then the next step is required.
2. Gather one or two mature believers and address the situation again: If the first session didn’t go well, ask for help. Find a couple of mature believers that know both of you. Approach with humility and grace, giving the opportunity for reconciliation. Remember the goal is not to win the confrontation but to build unity and understanding between the two.
3. Ask the church to get involved: If the grievance is still not resolved between them, bring it to the church leaders. This is not a one and done step. First, church leadership would be involved in one or several meetings to resolve the issue. If resolution cannot be reached, then the offender must be brought before the church for discipline by removing him from the church body. This last step would be done after much deliberation and prayer.
This process Jesus has laid out is loving and is an important tool for you. Learning how to address wrongs in a godly way brings unity, closeness and deeper relationships. This brings us to the hard question: Do I have a grievance that I am avoiding? Be bold and address the situation following these steps. Jesus wants us to have deep close relationships that are built on trust and love. Pursue restitution today.
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